Impulse Vs. Intention by Dr. Jay LaGuardia

An Important Reminder

I was reminded recently while working with one of our amazing TriplePConsulting clients that most of our stress is self-induced and can be mitigated and sometimes entirely avoided. It just takes want too, know-how and a desire to grow personally.

Think back to a time in which you reacted impulsively to a situation that afterwards you realized you didn’t handle so well. I think we all can recall specific times that we were embarrassed by our reactions. Acting impulsively rarely puts us in a position of strength.

I remember a time, ok a few times in which I have flown off the handle. I’m not proud of those experiences and looking back it was because I reacted impulsively. I let my emotions take a hold of me, which made the situation worse. As it always does! The clean up inevitably is far worse then the initial problem. So why do we undermine our personal power and problem solving abilities? We talk a lot about empowering ourselves to experience our best life. The path to our best life is not cultivated by impulsive behavior.

An Important Question

Ask yourself this, why do we do this and how can we insure better results in the future?

The why is a simple answer? It’s because we are not living intentionally. More specifically, we are living below consciousness. Say what Jay? Perhaps you have heard me speak about the portion of our brain that regulates 90% of our day. It is called the Reticular Activating System (RAS). The (RAS) allows us to live on autopilot. Most of the tasks we do throughout the day are habitual. Do we really need to think about brushing our teeth, driving to work or making the bed? Of course not! We have performed these activities and thousands more just like them over and over again. They don’t require significant mental capacity. However by spending most of our days stuck in autopilot mode, we are also responding emotionally from our past experiences, in other words, reactionary.

Is it any wonder why we fly off the handle rather then choosing how we want to respond? It is important to note that our (RAS) occurs on the subconscious level, while living intentionally is when we are living consciously, in the present moment. This is the distinction we must understand if we are going to create our best life.

The Real Question

The question you need to ask yourself is, ‘How do I choose to live my life and what emotions do I want to experience”? It all starts here, it is not hard but it does require some clarity.

What do you desire to experience in life? If you say that you want your life dominated by these qualities and emotions, (Joy, Happiness, Calmness, Peaceful Resolutions, Measured, Thoughtful, Introspective and Solutions oriented) then that will require being present in the moment and living intentional.

An Important Lesson

An important lesson a friend once taught me was “100% of all communication is my responsibility.” That means I own all conflict. If I am experiencing conflict, it is up to me to solve it. Holding grudges or giving the silent treatment is not what evolved people do.

When we are thoughtful and calm we have the ability to choose our response. We can be loving and respectful while disagreeing. I can still experience joy in the moment while working to understand some one’s position. The interesting thing is, when we do this, it is likely the other party will do the same. If they don’t, you also have the option to walk away and still be happy.

The Final Piece

The final piece to this puzzle is identifying your triggers. What sets you off? Are there certain words, topics or behaviors that push your buttons? The best thing to do is to identify them and understand why they do. Also, recognize the feelings or emotions that continually seep into your mind like poison from a venomous snakebite, so you can quickly recognize them. Once you notice those familiar feelings, stop and take 5 deep breathes before responding.  You should immediately be more relaxed and under control. If you are still upset then politely walk away so you can process. Eventually you will be able to come back once your feelings are under control. Then you can decide in that moment how you want to feel.

We appreciate that this may appear to be difficult, like any new skill we try to learn but with a little practice we all find that living intentionally is way more fun and joyful. The goals here are to eliminate impulsiveness and stress in our lives. To have great relationships, to be a master communicator and to create the life we deserve.

There are few better ways to accomplish these goals than by being the most intentional person we know.

 

Live Inspired, Be abundant and fulfill your Destiny,

Have an empowering week,

Dr. Jay Founder & CEO

PS

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